Episode #26: Building A Business Without Breaking Your Marriage with Michelle Purta
The Fast-Track Woman Podcast: Episode #26
Building A Business Without Breaking Your Marriage with Michelle Purta
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Meet Podcast Guest, Michelle Purta.
Michelle Purta is a marriage coach for moms. She's a married mom of 2 boys and a soon to be daughter. She helps moms be happy again in their marriage.
She works 1:1 with moms to empower themselves to have the marriage they want without having to resort to nagging or waiting for their husband to change in order to get what she needs to be happy. She guides moms on how to come back to her own power, perspective shifts and effective communication so they can create more partnership, connection and joy in their relationship.
About this Podcast Episode.
In this episode, Terra interviews Michelle Purta, Marriage Coach for Moms, about how to build your business without feeling guilty or waiting for your partner to change. Michelle helps women feel fulfilled and happy in their marriages.
Listening to this episode will have you feeling like you are engaging with friends who have struggled with how to put your partnership first, not being "super mom", and wondering how to get your personal life back on track (when you love your business). So many high-achieving women struggle with feeling unsupported by their partners, friends, and family members.
If this resonates with you, you'll love Michelle's tips and strategies on how you can feel empowered, shift your perspective and learn to communicate with your partner so you can experience more joy and connection (while running a business that you love).
Resources, Tools, and Links Mentioned in this Episode.
- To learn more about Michelle, visit www.michellepurta.com.
- Join Michelle's free Facebook community HERE.
- Apply for your complimentary Fast-Track Session with Terra HERE.
Read and Download the Transcript for this Episode.
Announcer (00:02): Welcome to the fast track entrepreneur podcast with your host Terra Bohlmann. You are about to get filled with business strategies, advice, and motivation to get you prepared to fast track your five-year plan in less than one year. So buckle up and let's create your first class business with clarity and confidence.
Terra Bohlmann (00:28): Welcome back to the fast track entrepreneur. I'm your host, Terra. I am beyond excited about the podcast episode we're going to have today and I want to introduce to you, my guest. She is someone I recently got connected with and when I heard her story and what she does, I was like, please, you have to come on my podcast and share. So let me introduce our reader short bio and then we'll, we'll hop right into it. But her name is Michelle Purta and she is a marriage coach for moms. She's a married mom of two boys and as soon to be daughter, she helps moms be happy again and their marriage. So she works one on one with moms to empower themselves to have a marriage they want without having to resort to any nagging or waiting for their husband to change in order to get what she needs to be happy.
Terra Bohlmann (01:19): She guides moms on how to come back to her own power perspective shifts and effective communication so they can create more partnership, connection, and joy in the relationship. So please join me in welcoming Michelle Purta. How are you? Thank you. Thank you so much for being on and I know you have a lot going on and all that good stuff, but this topic is just so huge and necessary for women entrepreneurs. Absolutely. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. No problem. Where are you calling in from? I'm calling you from the Bay area of California currently. Yes. So are we here in Houston? So the joy of living in a big city and all that stuff. So what a perfect time to be able to share expertise and get information out to other women entrepreneurs. So perfect. So, so will you tell us a little bit about how did you get started in this niche?
Terra Bohlmann (02:21): I'm so fascinated because I'm, I'm a person who struggled when I started my business 10 years ago. My coaching business, I, prior to that I was a corporate consultant for a top firm and then I had also did a three-year stint and entrepreneurship. I owned a boutique and art gallery, which my husband was really pretty involved in. And then when I went into consulting, he was, you know, I was making awesome money and bonuses and whatever and he was just like, Oh yeah. And then I, I followed my purpose and he didn't have a clue how to support me. So what made you get into this? Yeah,
Michelle Purta (03:00): So I used to be a corporate person as well. I did HR, I did project management and had my son and I didn't want to go back. I shared the same story sadly. So, you know, turning new leave was drying up and I was like, I literally cannot get through the day without crying when thinking about putting him in daycare and I can't do it. And so that kind of forced me to think about what I wanted to do with my life because I knew corporate was the route that, you know, my parents wanted for me because benefits totally salary, you know, all the good stuff. And so I really started thinking about, okay, well what fills me up? When am I naturally gifted at? And that's listening to people and helping them speak their truth as well as, you know, really supporting them through it.
Michelle Purta (03:57): Not from a bias standpoint like a friend would, you know, like, yeah, I'm super loyal, I'm going to tell you what you want to hear, but rather like, Hey, I think this is what you need to hear to actually move forward. And so I got trained as a life coach and I was amongst a group of women in this like women's membership. And I found myself very drawn to helping people with their marriage. A lot of them had marriage problems and they were all like, Hey, can I work with you? And I was like, Oh, okay. Do you know? Sure. Why not? You know, like I originally thought I was going to be a family coach for women and then it turns out that life kind of just pushed me to be a marriage coach for moms. And I had a lot to say about it.
Michelle Purta (04:42): Not only because of, you know, growing up how my parent's marriage was like very little effective or any communication, very little quality time together. Very much about, you know, my mom was like the martyr, she took care of the house, she took care of the kids. My dad did his thing and it was very separate. And so because of their relationship, it really impacted how I showed up in relationships. Right? Like I did the opposite of what I saw my mom do instead of shutdown. I talked a lot and I thought this is great because I'm communicating, but talking too much doesn't mean that you're an effective communicator. Right. And so that was part of it. And then once I had my own son, I realized that I was starting to have that tunnel vision for my child and I pretty much neglected my marriage.
Michelle Purta (05:35): And then that's where the arguing started to come in when before we were doing just fine and I had a hard time figuring out what to do because this baby needs me. You're a grown man. How do we make this work? Because I don't want to end up in a roommate situation further down the line where you know, my son more independent now and now we're strangers who only talk about who's picking up who, who's taking who somewhere, who's going to do this around the house. Right. And no connection. And so that is what led me to do this and to help women know that no, you can have both. You can feel like a great mom and have a rock-solid marriage at the same time and enjoy it through the different stages of motherhood rather than feeling like, Oh yeah, marriage is hard. This is, this is just how it goes. And let that be an excuse and then just say, my own fulfillment and satisfaction can be put on hold for 18 years. It's fine.
Terra Bohlmann (06:35): Yeah. No. And I totally get it. Cause that was something that was really crucial for my husband and me too. I'm like, we have like almost very, we have very similar stories. It's beyond, there was no accident in why I met you. But the same type of thing. My mom matriarch, she owned her own business. My dad was a lead singer of a rock band and in the seventies and eighties. And it was very, like, he was on the road all the time. So she had to take care of everything. And then I like you, they always say, Oh, we all marry our father right there. A therapist would say that. And I'd go, no, no, I'm, you know, I'm married the opposite. And she's like, you married a version of your father. And my dad's amazing, you know? But it was just kind of, I saw the struggle that the lack of communication, they, you know, sometimes a roommate situation.
Terra Bohlmann (07:22): My parents then got divorced when I was 18 and whatnot. But it's like, it's one of those things that we are conditioned as children and as overachieving women were like, well we're going to not have that. So what can we do now to course correct it? So I married like the, you know, the nicest guy. My husband's a corporate guy, all that kind of stuff. We had our first son, we were all like teamwork makes the dream work 50, 50. And then we had twins and I hadn't thought about, we had the twins. I actually had in vitro to have him because I couldn't get pregnant for five years after I had my older son. And I remember thinking like, Oh, maternity leave, cause I was corporate consulting at the time. I'm like, I hadn't really thought about that. So then we had to get, you know, we got to know pair from Germany and we, and it worked out really well.
Terra Bohlmann (08:10): But then this, the calling of like, you know, I thought this purposeful business, I wanted to work with women. I was, I just kept feeling the calling, calling, calling. And so I went part-time and my corporate consulting, I went independent contractor so I'd have some more flexibility. Then I went part-time and kind of cherry-picked some projects. I was a project manager, as you as PMP certified all that stuff and went part-time. And then I was like, Oh, okay. Like I was building up on the side, like doing the side hustle and then I was able to, you know, turn it off and then that's when it was at, which is exciting, but it also is like the paycheck went from big paycheck to half that, Oh you're, when are you going to pay yourself, Terra? So all this money going out cause you to invest in yourself and what's the plan?
Terra Bohlmann (09:01): So then it was very much, it's not like we were never in dire, right? Like from a relationship standpoint, but it just became something we just didn't talk about anymore because it was uncomfortable and you know, and then that was unhealthy. And I finally, I went to a therapist and I was like, something's got to give. And I'm like, well, you talked to my husband and he's like, well, I don't talk to your therapist. And then he did. And he's like, she said, Terra's not going back to work at this whole time. He had been holding onto and not telling me like this hope that I was going back to the corporate world. And when you couldn't quit playing around with this business thing, Terra and I don't understand what you mean when you're talking about your purpose. Quit talking about service, don't we serve in the church?
Terra Bohlmann (09:43): You know, like things like that. And I'm like, all I wanted was him to be, he was my mirror and I just wanted him to like, be proud of me and you know, whatever. And, but it took going to a therapist to like, figure this out and then go, okay, now we can get back on track. And, you know, now I share my numbers with him. He just felt in the dark. I like turned to all my business girlfriends, you know, and, and that's, and we talked about business and he's just like, what did you do all day? I have live events, so I have two live events a year. And I had him come to one where I had like a hundred and something women in the room. He had never been through a woman. He was like one of the only like two guys in the room.
Terra Bohlmann (10:28): And I had him introduced me when I went on stage and it was the best thing and I'm nervous cause he was like, yeah, he's a corporate guy. He's, he speaks all the time, you know, but I'm like, you've never seen them in their environment. Right. And he did such a great job and then he stayed for the whole day and afterward gave me the biggest hug and said, I get it. Cause so many women went up to and like, you know and said great things and he's like, what can I do to help? And that changed everything for us. So ever since then, yeah. So there is a way, if you have a partner who doesn't fully support you or if you don't have a family member or sometimes those friends, you know, those expectations we have when they're not in alignment. Michelle's gonna share with you some awesome ways to get back on track.
Terra Bohlmann (11:16): And I'm complete, you know, cause I was dying inside even though I loved what I did but I didn't feel supported. And my husband, I mean I'm from Texas, so I say bless your heart, bless his heart. Like he didn't know how to support me. He's like, tell me what to do. Like he wants to, but he didn't know-how. So that's why I wanted to have Michelle on the podcast because I know so many high achieving women struggle with this. So anyway, so yeah. So getting back to some tips here, will you share, you know, some, some tips that you've seen with, you know, what I would call high achieving women entrepreneurs that are rocking it in their business and love what they do, but at home, their partners are not supporting them. Like what does that look like? And you know, what have you seen with your clients on that?
Michelle Purta (12:03): Yeah, so with my clients, you know, oftentimes it's very similar to yours in that they are not bridging the gap for their partners. So what's happening in your fully immersed in this world, and especially if when you're an online entrepreneur and your partner has never ever set foot in that realm, it could look pretty strange, right? You have to understand and accept that, right? Because we're on the computer or on our phones all of the time, right? We're talking to these strangers all of the time and we're doing weird things that may not make sense to them because to them it's like, okay, I wake up at this time, I go to like, I physically drive to work, I sit in an office, I physically meet with people, the same people every day and you know, I have someone telling me what to do. I have a steady paycheck, I received benefits. Benefits are like gold.
Terra Bohlmann (13:03): Right? Right. Yeah. That was my mom's biggest goal and dream for me was like no, whatever. She married the rockstar. Terra just marries him, a nice guy with some benefits. Okay. And if he's in a union, you're golden. Yeah, right. Definitely.
Michelle Purta (13:20): And so having grown up with that, with that philosophy, right? Like, make sure you get benefits. If you can get somewhere with a pension even better, even though that's like very rare now, you know, having that mindset kind of hinders their ability to understand and accept where you're going. Because to them, it's like really risky what you're doing. Right? Right. Like, okay, yeah, you're getting results, but where do I fit into this process here? You know, like, I don't know what you're up to. I don't know who these random people you're talking to are, and I don't know what your plan is. And so transparency and as well as involving them, I don't, I'm not saying like a hundred percent of all of them, but involving them as much as you can is really important. And depending on how your partner is, if they're really big on, you know, like, well, what does it mean about me if she out earns me? Right, right. You have to understand what his thoughts might be on that. And it's not that you're trying to emasculate him or overshadow him, like you're literally just living your life out loud, trying to do what you are doing to fulfill your internal need to feel like, oh, I'm a high achiever or I'm being these great things while without selling my soul. Right, right, right, right, right. Is how I felt when I worked for corporate. It's like, okay, what am I doing here? Who am I actually helping? I'm feeling other people make money.
Terra Bohlmann (14:52): Right, exactly.
Michelle Purta (14:54): And so when you're in that position and it seems like they don't support you, it's generally stemming from a place of fear, right? Fear of baby instability, fear of not really understanding like change, right? Fear of not knowing where they fit into this process and how it's going to impact your personal life as a whole. Right? Like if you have kids, what does that look like when you become more successful and how are you showing up to your family right now? Yeah, you're grinding and you know, experiencing a lot of financial success. But if you're only going to then stop working and be unfulfilled with everything else in your life, that's going to not be a really good sign for him to want to encourage you to keep going. Right for him. He's getting like what's leftover. Whereas for your clients and everyone you're trying to attract, they're like seeing this different version of you. And so
Terra Bohlmann (15:53): Michelle, you're so right on, I'm sorry, but you're so right on with that. And that's such an aha that every woman needs to understand is if your partner is like sees you in action. Like it used to drive Darren crazy cause I, I've run 147 live events. I know it's crazy, but like a lot of live events and one time he did come and he was kinda in the back of the room and afterward, he's like, I didn't even know you were up there. It's like you were like a character or something. And I was like, no, it was just an elevated version of me, you know? And then, you know, so then he didn't come for a long time until I had, you know, one, maybe about three years ago and he came and we got that, you know, helped get us back on track. But another thing, it's confusing for them like, because you're quote-unquote on, but you're the same. And I always, always to this day, catch myself exactly what you said going, I'm giving more to client prospective clients to my girl tribe, my mastermind, whatever. Then I'm giving to him and I have to constantly say, I need to show up even bigger for him than I did for them all the time.
Michelle Purta (17:05): Yeah, yeah. Because you're really passionate about your career and you ha you can't help but do that. Right? Like you can see that by you showing up like that, you're drawing in more clients or more, whatever, more sales, how, whatever your business is. And you have to remember, okay, well why am I doing this? Right? You didn't create this, build this, you didn't build this empire to then come home to feel lonely. That's just not what you did. Like, it's not like you signed the contract said, okay, you can only be successful if your personal life sucks, right? Right. No one would ever choose to build a business if that were the case. Right? And so then it becomes about being intentional about how you're doing it. It doesn't matter how long you've been in business, you can always stop and think about, okay, well what do I want out of my personal life? What does that look like? What do I want out of my business? How can I have those be more in line with each other? What does that look like? Right? Like, set up systems, whether you're outsourcing or delegating or entirely eliminating something that doesn't serve you in both realms. Start making decisions that support the life that you want, not feeling like your business life and your personal life are completely separate. Because if you're unhappy in one, it's going to leak into the other a hundred percent
Terra Bohlmann (18:32): Yup. And that's a piece of great advice because you know, so oftentimes we see really successful CEOs. I love studying this. This is the kind of stuff I do for fun. I like reality TV and I study like business and like, you know, you see really successful CEOs and when they go to retire or even vice presidents, my husband works for like a top company, right? And it's like, and you seem like not just there, but everywhere. Like CEOs, vice presidents, and they're just working, working, grinding, grinding from the corporate perspective. And then they go to retire and then the wife is standing back going, finally, it's my time now we get to travel now, you know, all these sacrifices I've made. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like you have to, you shouldn't have to wait until retirement to enjoy that. Right. And so that's something my husband and I talk about all the time, you know, cause as he moves up and I'm constantly trying to elevate every, you know, myself to, you know, typical overachiever, like what's next, what's next?
Terra Bohlmann (19:35): And you know, and it's like, how do we come to alignment with that? Because when he's off-kilter, I can't be, because I gotta be his rock and when I'm off-kilter, he can't be cause he's gotta be the rock. You know, so in you said it, communication is, is the thing. And so if you know, if a woman who's listening to this is, cause I know for me as I look I think like eight years ago I remember a very specific instance where, you know, I always got jealous and now I, you know, I've done tons of personal development, but I had jealousy for women who are starting their business and their husbands were their biggest cheerleaders. They were helping on the back end. They were, whether they were working tech or stumbling books or showing up and just being like a host or whatever.
Terra Bohlmann (20:21): I was so secretly jealous of women whose husbands were doing that. And I was just like, why can't Darren do that? Like why can't he do that for me? But it was just like, instead of I took a why me? Victim mentality. Right, right. Yeah. I was resentful until, you know, I, that's what forced me into, you know, talking to a therapist and then uncovering what the root cause was. Right. This is why you work with a life coach like Michelle and you know, they help you work through and you know, and then once I did and was able to have those tools to get back on track and start the conversation, everything else shifted. And now I feel like my business and life, they are holistic. They are in alignment. They're not, you know, character tear over here. Yeah. Do I amp it up for live events?
Terra Bohlmann (21:07): Of course we all do. It's more fun that way. But like you know, when I'm at home I could have any client come into my home and they're going to see the same, Terra. Like I don't have imposter syndrome. I don't, you know, cause you can fully be who you are. What do you say to that woman who's like struggling with that? Like whether she works from home or has an external office, she comes home at the end of the day, flips on into mom, wife, partner, whatever role that feels like she has to maybe, how do I say, like dim her light a little bit or just put on a different hat. You know, what's her first step? Like what does she do to have what we're talking about?
Michelle Purta (21:46): Well, the first step is self-awareness. Really before you even approach a conversation, you need to have a level of self-awareness to even figure out what the next step is, right? Like, okay, so why do you feel like you have to dim your light? What is it that you are holding back with when you go home? How do you want to feel instead? Right? It is your job to have your business succeed a hundred percent but it's also your job to foster and nurture the relationships in your home. Otherwise, you're going to be left with what you likely have right now. Right? Right. Because you're giving them your leftovers. So be aware of what your needs are. Give it to yourself. Right? For me, this means having a solid self-care routine that's non-negotiable, right? A hundred percent is non-negotiable. And so I'm very upfront with my husband about it when I'm going to do it, how long I'm going to need, and then I check in with him about how long he can offer me. So we can compromise, right? And that allows me to be the best version of myself for me and for everyone around me. Right. And if you're burnt out all the time, you're giving them your leftovers. Of course, they're not going to want to be like, yeah, keep doing what you're doing. Cause it's clearly working for everyone, not.
Terra Bohlmann (23:08): Right. Right, right. Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean for me, I simply, you know, I didn't know what I didn't know necessarily, but I was just going to, I just went to my husband be like, what do you need from me? I'd like to see like what your goal is, what's your business plan? You want a business plan. So I created a method that's called the business map method and it's kind of, I had to do it for myself so I could share with him. And then I always tell every woman that I've done over a hundred personally and now I have a program where people, women put them together themselves and I review them. But I say, show this to your partner because this is like, it helps so much confidence in where you're going. So I, okay, I put it together, showed it to him.
Terra Bohlmann (23:49): He was like, okay I was like, what else do you need? Well, are you going to contribute to the household income? Like, sure. Like I'd been kind of hoarding all my business, you know, my business money and my own account. And I was like, well, how much do you need? And so we decided on a fair salary that I contribute now like, and then, you know, it was like these little things that he was taking on so much stress and I was like, Oh, I could have been a better partner. It was the awareness
Michelle Purta (24:17): And an open communication as well. Right. You notice how you guys went back and forth, back and forth. You didn't take offense to what he was saying. He felt like he was safe to say what he actually needed instead of like, Oh no, you're fine. You know, like the typical like shrug it off. I'm okay. I don't need much. Kind of answer that a lot of men offer and that actually connects to what I often suggest my clients do is check in with them like, Hey, how do you think our relationship is going? Right? Like honestly, like I'm not, I'm just going to listen. I want you to be honest with me. How do you think it's going on a scale from one to 10, what do you need from me right now that I'm not giving to you? Right. And then, you know, give the reverse back, like sh tell him what you need and how you think things are going and where you want to go. But it does boil down to self-awareness, communicating it, and then just over time having those productive conversations rather than, you know, having one person hold stuff in and then blow up and then the other person who's receiving the message is reacting and then it's just not a good conversation.
Terra Bohlmann (25:30): Yeah, no, I totally agree with you. A hundred percent and you know, and we do like our dates where, and we both had, luckily having con business in common, like we, you know, we love business. We talk about it a lot, but it's kind of one of our commonalities. But then we also know that we have a 17-year-old son. He was going to college. Our dynamic of our family is going to change. I have 10-year-old twin boys, you know, we know we get like a solid, I like how I just assumed our parenting is done at 18 but it's really not right. It probably just starts financially cause when we have college. But like, you know, we know that we purposely have been intentional on not making our marriage all about our kids because we know we want to raise strong kids that can, you know, whatever, be autonomous when they go off to college and can then bring great communication and you know, stuff into their marriage when they pick, you know, their amazing partner.
Terra Bohlmann (26:27): And you know, this was coming from the girl who I had a son and then I knew I was supposed to have a daughter. So even when I had in vitro, I had him, I'm such a control freak. I had him spun for, you know, for females and then they put two embryos in. I, so I knew I had a high chance of having twins, so I totally expected I'd have twin girls and I got twin boys. So I think they spun it the wrong way or something. But, and, but now I know like, you know, I, that was intentional because I believe my purpose and having three boys is to teach them how to stand beside strong women someday. Right. I can't wait to see who they pick for their partner. I can, I don't want to wish it away, but you know, but, but keeping that in mind, right about that when our kids grow, we still have to maintain our relationship with our partner.
Terra Bohlmann (27:14): And we've been super like, Hey, mom and dad are doing a date night, you know, like making sure they see those things. And yeah. So I feel like the business side of it now that I feel it feels fully in alignment. Like I wanna you know, while it's not always perfect, you know, but we can have the open communication about it that, you know, in the corporate days, remember the, what they call it, was it 360 feedback? Yes. And then it was just like, okay, here are the three things you're doing amazing Terra, here's the three things you can work on. And it was kind of like, as soon as that you'd kind of get that like, Oh boy, you know, we have to almost do the same thing in our marriage. Then have just let them, let them talk. And even our, you know, our partners, you know, if they're working it's like they want to talk about their day.
Terra Bohlmann (28:06): And I remember saying, what can I do better? And my husband's like, you don't need to fix everything. Cause as a business coach, I'm a fixer. I'm like, I used to think of myself as Olivia Pope for business. It's like bring it on. I like challenging. Give me like, I'll give you the strategy and he would come home and one event, you know, as we do. And there was me trying to fix it. Like it was like opposite roles and he's like, I don't need you to fix everything or, or defend me or the, I just need you to hear me. And I'm like, well this is role reversal. And I was like, you're right. You're right. So yeah, validating goes a long, long way. Yeah. Not everyone who's sharing something, want feedback or advice, they just want to feel heard. Right. Validating first is a huge thing.
Terra Bohlmann (28:55): Yeah. No, and that's, that's brilliant. Let's switch gears real quick before we, we wrap up. I know we've, we've hit some really awesome topics, but I want to go into the kids' zone if you don't mind. So from, you know, I often have said that when I started my business, it became my fourth child who I felt a lot of guilt around that I paid more attention to my fourth child, my business than I did my actual human children. So there's, I think some women entrepreneurs feel a lot of guilt around trying to do the best they can and balance it right. Knowing, you know, I'm not the mom that makes breakfast for my kids. I'm not the mom who, and I know some moms are like, like, how does your child eat? Well, I taught him how to use a toaster, or I will systematize everything.
Terra Bohlmann (29:43): We all figure it out. And I'm not judging moms at all who wake up really early, make sure their kids are fed. Like I secretly, I didn't have that growing up, so I don't know any different, you know, I think that's really cool. My kids would probably like to die. Like if I did that, they would be like, this is weird. I'll buy you donuts. Hey, you need things from the Starbucks drive-through. But that's how I've kind of adjusted. But there is still a sense of, you know, sometimes I do have that guilt. Right. What's some advice that you would have for any mompreneurs that are kind of struggling with similar guilt?
Michelle Purta (30:18): Yeah. So first of all, let's drop the guilt because you're doing the best that you can and whatever you are feeling guilty over, get clear on why you're feeling guilt. Is it societal?
Terra Bohlmann (30:31): Yeah.
Michelle Purta (30:31): You feel guilty or do you actually want to change what you're doing? Right. I'm the same kind of mom. Like I still held my three-year-old obviously cause I don't want to clean up his mess. My 10-year-old, I don't help him make breakfast at all unless I'm making breakfast for the entire family on like that random Sunday. I know he gets himself yogurt or he gets himself cereal or whatever. He likes whatever we purchased for him to prepare for himself. I don't make his lunch or anything like that. Like he's on his own. The way I look at it is it's a good skill for him to have anyway. Right, right. And so if I can help him be the independent person he needs to be eventually I feel great about that. But in terms of feeling like you're giving more attention to your business baby, then your human babies, that doesn't feel good.
Michelle Purta (31:25): I know what that's like because that was me in the beginning stages of my business. I felt like I feel guilty for working. I feel guilty for not working. I just feel guilty period. Right, right. So what can I do about this? Well, I had to same into my why. Like why did I start this business, right? Not just to make money but like to have a life that I want it. Well, what does that look like? That looks like a happy household. Like people laughing people having fun together. Us being there for each other in hard times. Being able to have those tough conversations while what's needed in order to have that right quality time. But quality time doesn't have to mean all of your time. It could mean concentrated micro-moments of like 20 minutes spending one on one time with someone or 10 minutes, like a couple of times a day where you're like, okay, me and you, we're going to read together or I and you were going to play Legos together or I and you were going to do whatever fascinates your child.
Michelle Purta (32:25): Right. Have a solid time of being present and then moving onto whatever you need to move on to. Right. And having those systems in place in terms of when you get those random hits of like ideas for your business. I had to come up with something to capture it. Otherwise, I would just say, Oh, hold on, I gotta go do this. Right. There's nothing present. Right. Unfair to them and you, and so having a way to deal with what you know is currently happening all the time and now you've developed this habit is what you can do to address some of the guilt that you may be experiencing. So when I get an idea, I'm like one-second crap, my phone jot down just enough for me to remember later and then I will address it when I'm working, like the boundaries that I have, like whatever working hours I've set for that day, I will address it that, and then I can go back into what I was doing before. So I'm not neglecting my business, but I'm also not neglecting my child.
Terra Bohlmann (33:27): Yes. Oh, this is so good. And I mean it really, it boils down to, to me, quality time over the quantity of time. And we have to just let that go. I love your system. I tend to you know, I don't, I'm a Gemini, I don't know, like whatever. I sometimes I just say that cause it's like, it just feels like it's an excuse, but it says I'm a Gemini. So like, you know, sometimes I'm, you know, one way and then the next day is like, eh, whatever. You know, it's very bizarre. It's like it's the best Zodiac to be, but then also like the craziest one. But so what I've done is I can turn it, I can turn work on and I can turn it off pretty quickly. So, and some women have the skill, some, they're like, they work seven days a week and that works for them.
Terra Bohlmann (34:15): For me, I don't, I have to give myself boundaries cause I say all the time, I'm like, if I can't run my business in less time than I would work in my corporate job, I might as well go back to the corporate job. Because at least I get like a consistent, you know, I have my consistent good salary and I get three weeks paid vacation. Right, right. Like the grass isn't always greener, you know, but yet it's like, no, this feels very purposeful for me and I don't people to like usually 10 like I get up and I start working, but I'm not, I'm a night owl, not a morning person. Of course, I've married the total morning person because that's God's funny sense of humor. But like I don't start working until 10 and then I work and I'm done at six you know, by six I try, then I turn into mom so, and I work out of my home office.
Terra Bohlmann (35:04): So sometimes I literally have to just like get up, walk around the block and just to like a release from work and then turn into mom. So I think we can create our schedules and work with our family to say what works and then to be strong about those boundaries. I love that you can be like, Oh, I got like a, you know, a business thing and then you just go to your phone. That's a great system. Put it in your notes and deal with it when you're working. I, my best ideas come when I'm in the shower all the time. I have a waterproof shower. You have that with them. It's a note pad that you can get on Amazon and it's waterproof and it has a pencil and your great ideas and you can write them on the notepad. And I'm always like, when I'm in there, boom. And you know,
Michelle Purta (35:51): I've even asked my husband cause we have like a walk-in bathroom. I've even asked my husband, Hey, I noticed that I get a lot of ideas when I'm showering. Do you mind not being in the bathroom because that kind of interrupts my flow? I feel like we have to talk or something or I'll forget what I thought of. I'm trying to listen to you and be mindful of your presence. So if you just do me a solid and that be in the bathroom,
Terra Bohlmann (36:15): Don't interrupt my, my energy space. That's awesome. My husband, we started the water notes. I didn't know my ideas came, but instead it was, we were using Muslims kind of cute like love notes. Like I'd be like, you know, good morning Darren, I hope you have a great day. And then he'd ride on it and then I was like using it like for awesome brainstorming. And then I had to be like, Oh honey, please don't you want your own notepad, I'll buy your own notepad. But the priority priorities, hello. So anyway, so that's good. And these are some systems that we can, that we use that you can definitely go to Amazon and get you a waterproof notepad, creative grand, mere whatever works for you. And then another thing I've done in the past when I knew, well when I used to, I used to launch like a lot more things.
Terra Bohlmann (37:02): I, this 2020 for me has about being super intentional on not overworking. Like my ultimate goal is, you know, I don't want to work 40 50 hours a week. It's just, it's not sustainable for me. And the last few years have been really working hard, but I also was dealing with, I need to prove my value and a lot of things. So I've done a lot of personal development too. And so now I'm like, oh, I've realized sometimes the less I can work, the more it comes. Like you probably understand that. But it's like sometimes if I can just go with the flow instead of against it and make everything harder and stress me out like I'm a better person, I'm a better mom, I'm a better coach. Like hello. So yeah. So when I would be in those intense, I knew I was having something coming up.
Terra Bohlmann (37:49): Right. I would like to put little milestones out there. Like there might like my kids or my team, I'd be like, okay, so we got to assemble a hundred books and I would do a family assembly line and then if we met meet these goals, or if I do this, then we're gonna go on a trip, you know, like put little things out there. So then the kids are actually like, how'd you do? What did you know? How was your event? And it's pretty cool. And I felt it out. Yeah. I feel proud to like, you know, teach my boys that like, Oh yeah, by being an entrepreneur it's like really a cool thing and you know, and these are habits that they now bring forth in their normal life. Like all my kids think like it and it's pretty cool. So there's a lot of good that can come of replacing the guilt with the good, you know? So yeah. Yeah.
Michelle Purta (38:39): I always talk about my business to my kids. Like I don't know how much they're absorbing or any for them to know what it is up to you and to share my lands with them so they can feel proud of me. I feel proud of myself too. But right now like wow, she did that. That's awesome.
Terra Bohlmann (38:58): I love that. That's so good. It's so good. Thank you so much. So how can I, we have two more things. One I'm going to ask you like an awesome question, but before that, if people want to get in touch with you because they want to learn more or be able to have a conversation with you or what's the best way for anyone listening to get in touch with you?
Michelle Purta (39:17): Yeah, so the best way for you to learn from me would be my community on Facebook. It's called marriage and motherhood. It's full of supportive women who are ready to take the reigns back in their marriage and not wait around and just feel like, Oh my marriage is hard. I can't do anything else to change it. I'll know what else to do and he's not on board so we're just stuck. Right? So that's a great place to, to get some mindset shifts to get some communication strategies and be amongst women who are ready to be like, no, this is my life. I can influence my marriage by working on myself. If you just want to get in contact with me in general, you can look me up on my website. It's MichellePurta.com you can find all my contact information there. And I would love to get to know you guys.
Terra Bohlmann (40:05): Perfect. Yeah, I will put all of this information in the show notes. There'll be on TerraBohlmann.com/podcast and just go to this episode and you'll read like a bio. We'll have a recording of the episode as well as the links that Michelle was talking about as well. So this is so good. Okay. The last question is kind of fun. So I always ask everyone who I interview. So I love watching the hallmark channel and lifetime, especially around the holidays. I wish I had more time to do it during the normal year, but there's something about the holidays, I think for me, like I try to be done with work. I wrap up my year probably the first, second week of December, and then I just have these like two, three weeks before I transitioned back into work. So I watch a lot of Hallmark and Lifetime. So if there was a lifetime movie produced about your life, what actress would play you?
Michelle Purta (40:57): Oh my gosh, I have no idea. You know, I haven't seen a hallmark movie or lifetime movie since I was like a kid, to be honest with you.
Terra Bohlmann (41:07): It's okay. We'll pretend it's like the big screen. Any actress
Michelle Purta (41:11): Who would play me. Oh my gosh. I think I would be a mix of like Zooey Deschanel. Because I have like my really goofy moments. I love it with probably what's her name? What's her real name? The person that plays Olivia Pope.
Terra Bohlmann (41:29): Oh, Carrie Washington. She's like a total powerhouse. She's like very upfront and blunt. And that is totally me. I like the area. So you're talking about, I'm truly honest, I love it. So I have like a fiery but also chill moment. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm, I'm like my two sides are like, I'm super like, you know, systematic and organized and like problem-solving. And then the other side is like, you know, for when people really get to know me more like I'm super like I love to have fun and joke and like probably more sarcastic than people would know. So yeah. So I love that. That we just kinda like can step into who we are and it's all good. And thank you so much for sharing everything and I can't wait to stay in touch with you and thank you for all this work that you're doing with women. This is so important. I'm glad that this niche found you. I really am. Sounds good. Well, we'll talk soon and take,
Announcer (42:45): There you have it. Another episode packed full of strategies and motivation that you can use every day to put your business on the fast track for a podcast recap and more resources. Visit TerraBohlmann.com don't forget, subscribe to the podcast, and get what you need to help fast track your five-year business plan.
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