Episode #24: How to Live Your Courageous Life with Tamara White

Intro (00:02): Welcome to The Fast-Track Entrepreneur Podcast with your host Terra Bohlmann. You are about to get filled with business strategies, advice, and motivation to get you prepared to fast track your five year plan in less than one year. So buckle up and let's create your first class business with clarity and confidence.

Terra (00:27): Hello. Hello. Welcome back to The Fast-Track Entrepreneur Podcast. I'm your host Terra. Super excited to bring today's episode to you. Let me share a little bit about this rock star. So I'm going to be interviewing Tamara White and Tamara has more than 30 years of working in a profession that stresses helping others and has counseled and coached thousands of people during her career. She's the creator of The Courageous Woman Effect and author of Seven Strategies for Courageous Living. It's a guided book for women, her empowering platform that transcends helping women to live a bold and courageous. She holds an undergraduate degree in psychology and a master's of science degree in educational psychology. She is a licensed professional counselor, a certified professional life coach, and holds a professional speaking certificate as well. In her free time, Tamara enjoys family time, chocolate, high heels, dancing and loving on her three precious grandchildren. Tamara lives in Houston, Texas and I'm honored to say that we've been working together. She's been and the mastermind that I have for the last year and I have loved to see her prosper and she is a dynamite and I've had her speak on my stages and everybody loves her, so please join me in welcoming Tamara white. Hi Tamara, how are you?

Tamara (01:55): Hi Terra, I am great today. I am great. Hope you are too.

Terra (01:58): Yes, doing good. Doing good. Nothing to complain about. Life is good. Life is good. I'm super excited to dig in with you because I know you have some great strategies and all kinds of goodness that I know our podcast listeners are going to really enjoy. So before I jump, well let's just jump right in because that's, that's what we do, right? I know, I know. That's totally what we do. So tell me a little bit about you, like how did you get into this profession now that we know is called life coaching, but even 30 years ago, life coaching necessarily didn't exist. So what made you step into the space?

Tamara (02:34): Well, you know, I don't know if people really know the story behind this, but as a counselor, I've been doing that work for a while and just wondering, you know, what's next in my career? Several, several, quite a few years ago, and it's Dr. Phil. I'm just going to give him the credit. I don't know Dr. Phil At all. But in watching the Oprah show at its height and when this man was on stage, I'd never heard of anyone doing the work like that. And I was intrigued by his title and I thought, wow, that's, I love what he's doing. I want to do that too. And that just spun me into research to find out how I could become a life coach and use the same training I've already been through.

Terra (03:14): I love that. So Dr. Phil is your inspiration. He should be, he would be honored to have you on his show now. Like how cool would that be from a full circle perspective. I love it. Oprah was a big person for me to step in and play a bigger game as well cause I was a corporate consultant and you know I was just getting to that point like there's more, there's more. I know I'm not just meant to help big companies make more money than them. I know I'm supposed to be helping women. Like there was just these little knocks as Oprah would say. And then on her last episode, I wrote a blog post about this. It was so impactful for me, but it was her last episode, not the one with all the glitz and the glam, but it was just her talking to camera like it was so amazing. And I, that's when I've really got that pull. Like okay, you know, she was basically saying TV has been my platform. What's your platform? We're all here to make a difference. That's it. So I love, I never knew that about you that we had this Oprah, Dr. Phil tie. So that's really, really cool. I love it. So, so you've created what's known as the courageous woman effect. Can you talk us a little bit about what that is and, what that means?

Tamara (04:19): Yes. Yes. What it means is a woman who steps out of her comfort zone takes that leap of faith and does what's really deep inside of her and just no excuses, just kind of plunging through. And if you fall down, you get back up and it takes courage to do that. And so what I teach, what I reflect is my own journey and becoming more courageous in my life. I don't think we walk around thinking we're courageous until something happens. And then we see what we're really made of. And during that journey, I learned a lot about myself. I learned what it takes to make those necessary moves and some of the things that I had to do to get there. And so in my platform as I was working with you, you helped me to carve it out by listening to my story. And helping me to put that into a package that would make sense to other women because I know that they can identify with it.

Terra (05:13): Yeah. No, that's really, really good. I mean, and a lot of it is our why and is so ingrained in ourselves. And it's like, it's what literally makes us hop out of bed every day. Right? We can't, we can't keep suppressing the why. Once you figure it out, it's like it's a blessing and a curse. Right? Cause it's like it's a blessing cause it's like, Oh, I finally know. I feel like I've, I'm so purposeful. But then it's also like you can't like dim that why? Like it's there for you and yeah. So, so you have, you know, Tamara's a life coach and she's got a, a package that she works with people on it and whatnot and helps move them through. What's the main like steps, you know, that you find all the people who listen to this are usually like the step by steps, right? So can you give some insight or some steps on when you're working with people in the courageous woman, what's the journey like?

Tamara (06:04): Well, the journey is one of the things I've told myself and it's, it's an old cliche. I said, can't stop, won't stop. First of all, you just can't stop. You got to keep going until you live out that purpose in your life that satisfies your soul and your, regardless of your circumstances. It's just like I can't stop until I get that peace inside of me that have lived my own purpose. For years I was in everybody else's purpose. I was working in places that didn't serve me and I didn't serve them well. I've been in positions and I don't, I'm not afraid to say that where my last on the job I got fired because it just was too much.

Tamara (06:44): And the boss and I had a disagreement and she just felt like I wasn't a good fit for what she was trying to do, but that didn't discourage me. It really was a blessing because I didn't like being there. I think I started being there because of the paycheck. Like a lot of us thought, wow, she pays me so well, surely I can get over this. And on the inside I was dying on the vine. So I went into that quiet space. And then when I got connected with you, Tara, to help me figure it out because I was at a loss of how to package all of this together. My head was just exploding with ideas. And so one is coming up with, you know, figuring out what do you love to do. We know we all talk about the passion, we talk about the purpose.

Tamara (07:28): But what does that like for the woman of today? And it doesn't matter the age, you know, usually I work with women probably 35 plus, but it doesn't mean that I can't work with someone 25 as long as we can get to the platform of what is it that they love to do. And sometimes we have to spend weeks on that just to really plow through that conversation. So this morning I had a chat with a lady and she kind of spilled her story on having multiple things she loved to do. But as we chisel down, we found that one thing out of those three, she even admitted the one thing that really lit her up. And so once we chisel that down by asking questions and looking back at once, history for me, it went back to high school. It could go all the way back to that time of your life or whenever something was consistent.

Tamara (08:18): And I asked people, what do others say that you're good at? And then, you know, when people drill down, they know in their soul women though, they really know. They didn't know. They just do and they want someone to validate and confirm that. And so once we do that there was some other steps that we have to master and there's research and sometimes there are some stressful things that we have to uncover, some things that people have laid aside and they don't want to deal with. So for instance, one might be unforgiveness. That is a critical thing that a mask of self weld until there's some type of critical mass that happens in one's life where you can't get past it because that situation reminds you of uncle Joe or aunt Betty or whatever. I'm using these names just, you know, out of my own pay and not have those relatives. But we've got to get past that. You know, how do we forgive people that have hurt us or situations, right. Because it is a stumbling block. So define desires. I'm looking at my notes. I don't want to be off track now. The desires. Yeah. Cause I, you know, when you get on these kinds of things like, Oh my God, what am I, you know, he does rambling.

Tamara (09:30): You know, I'm a speaker so I can, I know how to ramble. So, but you know, the desire is the first thing. Narrowing that down. And then I have four other steps and one of them, like I said, is the unforgiveness.

Terra (09:43): No, I think that's, that's really huge. And I think really good life coaches are amazing at asking the right questions. Right. To make. Because there's a difference. And I had to learn this in coaching as well. It was like the difference being, you know, I can give somebody the greatest business strategy. I mean I've written over a hundred business maps myself. Like here, Whoa. Like here you go, here's the, here's the entire roadmap to how you can run your business. Right? And there's a difference between giving that and then also having somebody step into it. Right? So, and it's now I've learned, I've had to kind of, I mean I'm, I'll admit even though I have zero, I will always stay in my business lane, but because I've had to deal with tears, I've had to deal with, you know, women that are like frustrated with themselves cause they're not getting the results.

Terra (10:31): I had to like I'm working on a life coaching certification myself because not that I plan to ever have that title, but it's because I need something in my toolbox, right. So that I can help push people through when those, it's not a matter of if, but it's when, and I want women to fast track their business success and these life things they get in the way. Like, I mean, let's be honest, right? And so having a life coach like Tamara in your pocket, it's like having somebody else on your dream team, right? Because it's not a matter of if these things will happen. It's when and in order for you to level up your success and to be that courageous woman, you have to have these aha's and I think a good life coach like you, you're amazing at asking the right questions to get them to go.

Tamara (11:17): I dig, I dig.

Terra (11:18): Oh, you dig, you dig. I love that. I love that. So tell me, you know, we talk a lot about, you know, the courageous woman effect and what, you know, steps through discovery need to happen. And one thing I do love about you is like you can take somebody's unique experience because you do work, you have small groups, but you also work privately with people and help them work through that on their own timeline. Right? So I am sure some of your clients can get faster results and then some, it just takes time to, what'd you call it? Like chisel, chisel. You have to chisel them down until they're like, they're good. And so what's the ultimate like, you know, to be able to say, I am a courageous woman, like this effect that you want to put out there. What's the ultimate result? Once you do the chiseling and the client, the person does the internal work they need to do on the other side, what's the light at the end of the tunnel? What's that look like for women?

Tamara (12:15): The light at the end of the tunnel is that they feel self assured and that they don't have to get their stroking from anybody. That if your husband or your partner or no one else says, Hey, good job. You have to stand in a place that you can encourage yourself. You know, my platform is empowerment and so we can't look to other people to empower us. We have to know that we know that we know that we are where we need to be. And that's the place that can be difficult because some people are, are women are seeking that stroking and I'm here to tell you don't do that because it's not going to happen. You have to be empowered yourself.

Terra (12:56): Absolutely. So is that what happens? Cause you know, I work with a lot of women. I came from the corporate world. I know you've, you have some corporate experience on that side. I work with a lot of high achieving women that are amazingly smart and incredible what they do, but they maybe stayed in the corporate world a little bit, I would say too long. And I think women are amazing at being molded into what someone wants them to be. Not that that, yeah. Yeah. So what it is, is that what keeps them women, you know, in a position, a corporate position or maybe sometimes it doesn't have to be corporate. It could be you're staying in your business at a certain level because you're molded into that instead of stepping out of it. So what is it that makes sense, women more susceptible to me than men at being molded into who someone else wants them to be? Like, what's the reflection like what's happening there?

Tamara (13:48): Well, the core of women is nurturer and we all know that we are created to nurture and that there's nothing wrong with that. We take care of babies, we are caretakers. And that is nothing. There's nothing wrong sometimes, you know, we don't know how to get out of that. And we are pleasers. We are pleasers. We want to please everyone in our life to our own detriment. And so we don't live our truth. Fortunately, and I think that we're in a time of our lives now in 2020 where, you know, women are powerful. Women aren't doing things and not to take away from our forefathers because at that time of life, that's what women did. You still always have women in business though. I remember my great grandmother and that goes a long way back. There was a lot of folks in her area that had businesses.

Tamara (14:34): I grew up where women have businesses. So it's just a matter of us being able to have that courage to step out. And then sometimes you've got to find your own tribe. You know, if you're in the same click, the click, the click with the same people all the time, that's not serving you. And sometimes like when I got, I had that boss lady, I had to assert myself because in actuality she was so wrong about what she did and how she carried her business out. But I was in her space and it was an ethical thing that I knew as a licensee that I was correct. And so at that point you does say, okay, I could have sat down and cried about it, said, no, no, I'm going to get up and keep it moving. Just wanting to live the life that you love, not staying in the closet about it, not keeping it secret. You want to be able to say when it's all said and done that you lived your purpose. Yeah. And we have the right and the opportunities now is females to do that.

Terra (15:32): Yeah. So true. And what is completely fascinating is the number of women entrepreneurs, whether they're leaving corporate or there, you know, going from stay at home mom to now opening a business. I mean the numbers are staggering. Like it's, it's a great time to be not just starting a business but growing one. Right. Cause it's like the percentage of women that actually get to six figures is substantially low. And then let alone the ones that get to a million is substantially low. So I feel like that's why I'm psychotic at what I do because it's like if I can just give you the method to step, step, step, step to create a map to do it. And then like you said, just to reiterate on who you surround yourself with is everything. And that is probably going to keep you, because I try to think back to, okay, when I was in the corporate world, like what was making me scared to step out.

Terra (16:25): Right? And it was, I didn't want to fail. I mean I do everything a hundred percent what I found myself doing, and I don't know if this, I'll put this out there. So I always share everything. There's not much I don't share, but maybe it's something you've seen before, but it's like what I was doing is I was attaching myself to powerful women. So I would go whether I was at a consulting company or I was at, you know, wherever I worked in the corporate job, I would get a mentor who usually was a powerful woman and I would do everything to please her. So I liked when you had talked about the people pleasing the whatever, you know, I like been there, done that, got the tee shirt, right. So I would attach myself to a powerful woman wanting to always be comfortable being number two.

Terra (17:06): Right? Like I never wanted, even as a child when I was like, you know, in college it was like, Oh yeah, I, I didn't want to be the CEO. I wanted to be either the secretary of the CEO or I was comfortable with being a vice president, but not quite being the CEO. Like that was kind of, yeah. And I don't know where that came from, but, so I found myself attaching to powerful women and like loving being in the background, comfortable there, but then also realizing once I went through my own personal development, right, open a business, all of these issues will come to the table. I was realizing what I was doing. It was a substitution for getting, I wanted that validation. So much of like, Terra, you're doing a great job or I wouldn't, I don't know what I do without you.

Terra (17:50): Or like that was feeding me enough so that they would hold me more and more. The more they would give me, the more I would produce, the more I would. My overachieverness kind of, you know, really went into overdrive until I burnt myself out. But like what I realized, I was looking for a substitute of my own mother to just say, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. That's why I kept attaching myself to powerful women. Like I loved it. I, and once I figured out that pattern, I was able to break it. And now whenever I see it, I'm like, don't do that again. Right, right. So is that something,

Tamara (18:26): Yeah, we all you know, there are times in our lives that we have of experiences and what happens as you get your secondary needs met that way.

Terra (18:34): Secondary needs. Ooh, that's something I've never thought of. That's good.

Tamara (18:37): You get your secondary needs. And I see a lot of that going on. I see women not being able to step up because they're waiting for that, that, that pat on the back. So the courageous woman takes the leap of faith. They stand in their truth, they discover what those desires are and it's an inward thing that we have to examine that we get no strokes from anyone, whether the world strokes us or a husband or a friend. You still stand in what it is that you need to do and the rest will take care of itself. Because when we really have the impact is when we live our best selves and when we can serve others and serve our world and our community. Totally.

Terra (19:15): And what is it like, I've seen a lot too with whether it was it's just friends or it's, you know, women who struggle with trying to balance like I've got my kids that I have to, you know, help raise raise. I consider mine helping raise. But like, you know, it's probably the same thing goes true whether you're looking for that validation. If you're in a corporate job more, you're trying to be an amazing supportive spouse to your husband or partner who has a really high profile job or you're raising your kids, like, you know, doing it like literally it's your job or some women are trying to do it all right. And that's what causes us to be like, I don't even know who I am anymore. Right, right. So what do you, what do you say to that woman who's listening to this right now? Going, okay, I'm trying to balance this. I've got the kids, the dog, the husband. I'm trying to support. I'm trying to like do my side hustle, but maybe I should go back to corporate, you know, like, I don't know what my purpose is Tamara. Like what do you tell that woman who's like frustrated?

Tamara (20:16): Oh my gosh, that's the common theme these days because we are all excited. But once the technology came into place, we can do research and things have just come, you know, center forward. So, you know, one has to be still, there's just no way around it. You've gotta be still, you've got to find a place to be quiet. And so we talk through those kinds of steps. Can you for instance, go into the tool that, I mean, I don't know everybody's house, how it's set up, but I know that you can go into the toilet and you know, Hey, I have little kids at one time and I that I got grandchildren and they don't care if you're in the toilet that is knocking and banging. But learning to set a limit and a boundary. That's part of what I teach women is how to say no, how to set a limit and how to set a boundary and maintain that.

Tamara (21:02): So when you're trying to grab that special spot, it may be that you have to get up earlier in the morning to do it. Maybe there's five days that week that you get up at five o'clock instead of five 30 so the house is quiet. We don't slow down, we just keep rolling on and our minds don't have time to rest. We're not sleeping and so we've got to get that. We've got to have a healthy diet and so being still, if we can find 15 minutes, and I asked clients where is there 15 minutes a day that you can be still use that at lunchtime, we can go to the car on your job and eat your sandwich out there and just be still no radio. Just being still and just praying for those thoughts to come through.

Terra (21:43): I love that when we're racing around now it's a hundred percent true. It's like in order to listen to what and listen. And it's not like, you know, some people, yes, God can say boom, this was what you must do. You know, some people feel that, some people it's just this like knowing or it's these reoccurring thoughts that when you are still, it just keeps coming and you're like, okay, I get it. And like Oprah describes it as the little knocks gets a little louder and then eventually it breaks through the wall. Right. So, you know, but it's like, and I also believe in timing as I'm sure you knew too, that like, you know, I know people who are like, I don't feel like I haven't, I don't know what my purpose is. Maybe my purpose is just a raise my kids to be the best humans they can be or this and that.

Terra (22:32): And it's like, you know, maybe your time hasn't came yet. Some people's purpose actually comes at 60 70 some at 20 right. And the more we try to rush it, the more it's like, okay, great. Like be quiet with yourself and it'll come. So if you're struggling with it, you have to do what Tamara said, which is find your 15 minutes a day. What? And some people use, you know, meditation to do this, but you have to be quiet so you can come here. And you know, I even think of like when I was watching my Oprah episode, even though I was listening to it, it was like the aha she says. And then it was like, I remember laying in bed cause I purposely like didn't schedule a meeting during that time because I wanted to watch it live. It wasn't the same watch now on DVR when to watch it live.

Terra (23:20): And then when I turned it off, it was like, that was my quiet time to just sit there in bed and go, I gotta do this. Like this is like hello. So it's about getting quiet. So quiet. That's right. And then before we wrap up, I have a couple more questions for you. So what happens when you know, you get the purpose and some of us may have the purpose and we're like, okay, like at what point? And maybe they're experiencing fear and doubt. So we'll start there. Like, is this really my purpose? Like what if this doesn't seem like what it says to do in the books or you know when do I step into it? When do I, do you know, they have that fear and doubt that comes in. What are you to say to them?

Tamara (24:03): Well, you know, fear and doubt again is part of the process of being the courageous woman that teach that as well. Okay ladies, we just have to know there's fear is going to be there. It, it's, it's notable. I don't want people to think of fear as something negative all the way, always. Because fear is a natural thing. It's part of who we are. You know, fear of snake, of a snake, where to roll up in here, you know, I'd be off the screen, right? We need to find out what is the fear, you know, what are you, you know, what's the problem? And then we look at how do we solve that problem? Is it somebody that we need to talk to? Is there something we need to eliminate? You know, what do we need to research on this fear? The fear is real, but let's say is that fear coming back to when you were six years old and now you're 36 let's address that and then put it in its box where it needs to be.

Tamara (24:48): And so we get it to a place where we know how to deal with it. So when it comes up again and we'll say, okay, here that thing is again, I know exactly what I'm going to do. You don't want to be bowled over by it. So on a day to day basis, some people have fear of doing what you and I are doing right now or speaking. So what does that look like? And then the doubting just goes hand in hand. Because if you're doubting, then you're going to have fear. And if you have fear, you're going to have doubt. They both go together. Surrounding yourself with a good support team. Having a mentor, having a coach like myself or like you Terra you know, you're doing the business side. I'm doing the mindset stuff, boy, what a package that is right. To get that stuff clear, then you can move on. Cause I mean, I still have fears, but I just know I address them. I don't let them overtake me at all.

Terra (25:36): Yeah. You gotta have, you have tools in your toolbox now that when it comes up, boom, Oh, this is happening again. I'm not that eight year old child anymore. I'm 42 or I'm whatever. Yeah, no, that's really, really good. So it's just, you know, and I say that all time things that I do, I'm scared doing it. I just do it scared because my purpose, it's so much bigger than, than my fear. So yeah. You know, and we just got it.

Tamara (26:03): And sometimes fear can be more of a selfish mode, you know, it's all about me. I'm fearful and it's all about me. And it's like let's, let's, let's reframe that. The fear is the emperor thing that we need to deal with and so that you can go out and serve your world and serve your family and community. Do the fear, feel the fear and do it anyway. There was a book on that.

Terra (26:25): Yeah. And do it anyway. That was the best part. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. There's all kinds of things that are huge with that. I remember, I'll never forget it, like the best speaking advice I'd ever heard was from Lisa Nichols. You know, you've heard of Lisa Nichols, amazing speaker and teacher of speaking know she said before you go out on stage, right? Because anyone who's done a live speaking engagement or even thinking about having to present that book report you had to do in high school or whatever, that anxiety kicks in. And she says, it gave me a tool in this toolbox. I was at a training she was at and she said, when you're nervous and you're doing, you know, instead of making it about you and how you're uncomfortable and make it about them. And as soon as I was able to switch that and reframe that of like, Oh my gosh, I don't want to be selfish, I need to like take this and make it about them.

Terra (27:20): It's not about me. And what I find is when I get on a stage, as I'm sure you do too, it's like you, you of course you have like what you're going to say for the most part. But sometimes when you're out there, if you put that faith and that trust and what, and you're trained on your subject, which you know, everyone is when they go to speak, it's amazing what flows out and that you're just like a channel. I get off of stages and I'm like, I don't remember saying it. You know, it's just kinda like you're just a vessel. And once you learn to trust that it's, it's beautiful. So, and that was, Oh, I'll always be thankful to Lisa Nichols for that advice. And you know, and I'm working with a storytelling coach as well, and one thing she says, your, your fears are here to serve you, your nerves.

Terra (28:03): No, it's better than that. It's like your nerves are here to serve. And it's like all you gotta do is flip that script. Whether you have to go live on Facebook, you know you're going to do a Facebook live or right Instagram live or do a YouTube a record, a podcast, or speak on a stage or whatever. You're gonna do what you said. Like you feel that fear pushed it through. It's not about you. It's about that's what it's about them and do it anyway. So I love it. I love it. And thank you so much for all the work you do for women. Before we wrap up, let people know how can they get in touch with you if they want to hear more, getting some more resources or having, I know you do complimentary conversations with women entrepreneurs that are looking for a life coach. How can they get ahold of you?

Tamara (28:43): Well two ways. I would say I'm an Instagram girl, so you could go on Instagram @ Tamara white coaching and you can send me a message through Instagram. And then my website is tamarawhitecoaching.com and the phone number is at the bottom and you can text me or call me. Oh my gosh. How amazing. Like you can like call people. It doesn't have to, she has no complicated funnel. There's no download this lead like, there's her phone numbers on their website people or you can just go there and call her and schedule a time that works for both of you to dig into something amazing, you know? That's perfect. So awesome. So before we wrap up, I have to ask you what I ask everybody cause it's super fun and I warned you before we got on the call, but I didn't tell you what I was going to ask.

Tamara (29:31): Uh oh, uh oh.

Terra (29:31): All I said was, it's not embarrassing. I've been asked some embarrassing things, but I've been interviewed and I'm like, ah. But it was one thing I like to think of. So if lifetime, the lifetime channel, I love hallmark and lifetime, like that's all I do at Christmas is I just like binge watch all that stuff. If lifetime we're doing a movie about the life of Tamara White, what actress would play you?

Tamara (29:55): Let's see, I got it. One of my favorite actresses is African American, Angela Bassett.

Terra (30:03): Oh my gosh. Yes, I could see it.

Tamara (30:07): Angela Bassett. She is strong. She is fierce. She's courageous and she looks good.

Terra (30:11): I love it. I love it. I can totally see that. I was thinking Halle Berry, but when you said Angela Bassett, I'm like yep, like you almost like even have a, you look alike. So stunning. So that's, that's amazing. Perfect. Well thank you so much for serving us today and again, her website information will be on the show notes on terrabohlmann.com/podcast you can go to this episode and we'll have links and a recap and her resources and how to get in touch and all that amazing stuff. So yay. So thank you so much.

Tamara (30:46): Thank you so much, I enjoyed it immensely,

Terra (30:46): And we'll talk soon. Take care. Bye.

Tamara (30:49): Okay, thank you. Bye. Bye.

Outro (30:50): There you have it another episode, packed full of strategies and motivation that you can use every day to put your business on the fast track. For a podcast recap and more resources, visit TerraBohlmann.com. Don't forget, subscribe to the podcast and get what you need to help fast track your five year business plan.